Too Late to Choose Me

My childhood sweetheart finally gave up his playboy ways, claiming he would love only one woman for the rest of his life. But that woman wasn’t me, the girl who had waited ten years for him. Fighting back tears, I pushed him away when he leaned in to kiss me again and asked as calmly as I could: “Is she prettier than me? Does she have a better body?” He caught my chin and kissed me until he’d had his fill. Only then did he shake his head and casually reply: “No. But she’s more useful. Love is just a distraction. My career is my life.” What a career-minded asshole. Fine, then. I slapped him and told him to get lost! A few days later, when he discovered my father owned an entertainment company worth a hundred billion dollars, he was stunned! His words left me frozen, unsure how to react. From my first crush in middle school to my first time in college, I had done everything Ethan Hayes wanted. But he refused to give me the one thing I wanted. I wanted us to go public. I wanted to be his actual girlfriend, not some dirty secret. Whenever I brought it up, Ethan would get angry. “Relationships are too much trouble. I don’t want one right now. When I do, you’ll be the first person I consider.” “If you can’t wait, don’t come looking for me again.” Two lines. A promise and a threat. And I had willingly waited seven years. Now, without a trace of guilt, he was telling me he’d fallen for another girl. Bitterness surged through my chest until I could barely breathe. Humiliation washed over me. I pushed Ethan away as he bent to kiss me and pretended not to care. “Oh. I see.” “Then why did you come to pick me up? Why are you kissing me? Aren’t you worried your girlfriend will get jealous?” Ethan’s lips curved. He glanced over my shoulder, chuckled, and brushed a quick kiss against the corner of my mouth. “Not if she doesn’t see.” Before I could react, he slipped an arm around my waist, spun me around, and pressed me against a pillar. His kisses rained down on my lips, my face, and my collarbone. Hot and demanding, leaving no room for refusal. My knees weakened. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his neck. But his gaze drifted into the distance. Whatever he saw made his smile deepen. “Rachel’s different from you. She won’t put up with anything shady, and she overthinks things, so…” He pulled my arms from his neck. His long fingers wiped the moisture from the corner of my mouth, then carefully adjusted my scarf to cover the collarbone he’d just kissed. “So I can give you whatever you want in private. Just don’t flaunt it in front of her or let her find out. If she notices something and gets upset, you and I can’t even stay friends.” I bit my lip hard enough to break the skin. The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth. Every place he’d kissed seemed to burn. Inside, it felt like a thousand poisonous insects were tearing into my heart. I wanted to tell him that I overthought things, too. That I was afraid of losing him. That I couldn’t bear seeing him flirt with other women, either. I used to be innocent, too. The kind of girl who blushed at the slightest teasing. I only seemed easy because it was him. Because I loved him, I kept swallowing my pride, lowering my standards, and giving in. All I wanted was to be his first choice when he finally decided he wanted a partner.Ethan’s eyes lit up as though he were thinking about her. “She’s important to me. Really important. She can open doors.” “Love is just a little extra in a man’s life. A career is what gives him a future.” “Chloe, I promise all my love will still belong to you. Is that enough?” My lips moved for a long time before any sound came out. Tears slipped down my face again. My eyes burned. “No.” I did love him. But I also had morals. Values. Some sense of shame. I would never knowingly become someone’s mistress. Ethan’s eyes turned cold for a moment. Then his easy smile returned. He waved at someone in the distance and warned me under his breath, “Chloe Bennett, don’t make me hate you.” With that, he hurried toward the crowd. I turned, following him with my eyes. Then I saw the girl running toward him, smiling just as brightly. So he hadn’t come to pick me up after all. I almost laughed at my own stupidity. She wore a pink coat, a pink scarf, and pink boots. Small and delicate, she looked like an adorable little bunny. No wonder Ethan liked her. She threw herself into his arms with a smile. His face softened in a way I had never seen. He wrapped his arms carefully around her, as though afraid she might slip in her excitement. So he wasn’t careless. He just hadn’t cared enough about me. They kissed in the middle of the passing crowd, clinging to each other as if no one else existed. I stood rooted to the spot, unable to calm down. And it wasn’t just because Ethan disgusted me. I knew that girl. We shared a dorm room. She was Rachel Morgan, the Morgan family’s recently recovered, long-lost daughter. Suddenly, everything Ethan had said made sense. Getting together with Rachel really could save him decades of hard work. The Morgans had only found her this semester. But our feud had started freshman year. As the only student in our class on financial aid, Rachel had perfected the art of guilt-tripping people. Whenever I had something nice to eat or use, she would stare at it longingly and keep hinting that she wanted to try it. Once, I finally snapped. “It’s mine. I barely even let myself use it. Why should I give it to you? If you want it, buy your own.” Hatred flashed through her wide eyes. “I like using your stuff, Chloe. So what?” Had she hooked up with Ethan to get back at me? During Freshman Orientation Week, the girls in our room had gotten bored after lights-out and started sharing stories about our love lives. Rachel knew exactly how much I loved Ethan. But how had they gotten involved? I racked my brain until I remembered something from two months earlier. I had come back from washing fruit in the shared kitchen and found Rachel hurriedly hiding my phone behind her back. She looked guilty. I asked what she was doing with my phone. She insisted my alarm had gone off and she had kindly turned it off for me. But when I checked, I found four unsent-message notices in my chat with Ethan. I demanded to know what she’d sent. Her eyes reddened, and she accused me of throwing her kindness back in her face. Annoyed, I complained to Ethan and asked whether he’d seen the messages. His mouth twisted dismissively. “Who cares? It doesn’t matter.” I closed my eyes, heartbroken. Suddenly, this man playing both sides felt like a stranger.“Ethan, do you know Chloe, too? She seems to be staring at you.” Rachel pointed at me, her voice sugary sweet. I hurriedly wiped away my tears and looked at the man who had been kissing me so passionately moments earlier. Despite everything, I found myself hoping for his answer. Ethan glanced at me, took Rachel’s suitcase, and slipped an arm around her. “A neighbor’s daughter. We’re not close. I happened to run into her while I was waiting for you, so we talked for a minute.” Rachel gave me a smug smile, then deliberately snuggled deeper into his arms. “Make sure you stay away from her, okay? We’re roommates. I know she goes out with men every weekend. Who knows what she might have caught?” She tilted her face up, looking perfectly innocent. Ethan’s smile vanished briefly before returning. He pinched her cheek, his voice indulgent. “You’re all I need, baby. I promise I’ll save myself for you.” He knew perfectly well that I spent those weekends with him. Yet he let Rachel smear my name. Grief crashed over me. The pain in my chest was so sharp that tears nearly spilled again. Under Ethan’s cold stare, I walked toward them. But before I could say what I’d prepared, a scream tore out of me. “Stop that thief! Thief!” “Someone’s hurt! Call an ambulance!” … Chaotic voices erupted around me. By the time I understood what was happening, warm liquid had already trickled down to my eyelashes. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ethan holding a frightened Rachel tightly against his chest. For the first time, I saw fear in his eyes. My temple throbbed. Blood blurred my vision. Instinctively, I wanted to call his name. But all I could see was him patting Rachel’s trembling back and soothing her gently. “This is so embarrassing. My stomach just growled.” Rachel’s cheeks flushed as she buried herself in his arms. Ethan stroked her hair. “Then let’s get you something to eat. Can’t have my baby going hungry.” With her suitcase in one hand and her hand in the other, he walked straight out of the station. He didn’t spare me a single glance. I watched them leave. Behind his back, Rachel gave me the finger, and my eyes stung again. How pathetic, Chloe. Stop hoping for anything from him. He has a girlfriend now. He won’t protect you, stand up for you, or whisper sweet things to you anymore. It was time to end this one-woman show.In middle school, I was the heaviest girl in my grade. I was quiet, too, which made me an easy target. My mother raised me alone and worked herself to the bone. I didn’t want to burden her, so I endured it in silence. I endured names like “Anaconda,” “Cow,” and “Pig Girl.” I endured stolen homework and torn textbooks… They even sent Ethan a fake love letter in my name. Ethan had been handsome since childhood. Strong brows, bright eyes, a straight nose, tall and lean. Countless girls had crushes on him. The bullies shoved me toward his desk. They opened that ridiculous letter and read it aloud in mocking voices, occasionally pretending to gag. “Dream on, fatty. Have you ever looked in a mirror?” “Ugh, that’s disgusting. How can anyone be that fat? She’s so gross.” … They ground my dignity beneath their feet. When I lowered my head and cried, they burst out laughing. “Shut the hell up! Who said you could wake me?” Ethan shot up from his desk and hurled a book into the ringleader’s face. “Try bullying her again. I dare you.” “Every single one of you is failing your classes, and you have the nerve to make fun of her weight?” “She can lose weight. You can’t fix stupid.” I looked up at him, and he seemed to glow. Back then, he was my hero. He was also the one who exercised with me until I lost the weight. That was why I’d always believed heaven had sent him to save me. From that moment on, my love for him had grown beyond my control. He said he didn’t want a relationship yet. I could wait. He said I would be his first choice when he was ready. I never doubted him. But now he had chosen Rachel over me. In the end, I picked myself up off the ground, went to the hospital to get bandaged, and went home alone. That night, Ethan’s friends all posted on Instagram. Some congratulated him on landing such a beauty. Some marveled that Rachel had managed to tame a notorious player like him. Others called them a perfect match. They used to call me “our girl.” Now Rachel was “our girl.” A bunch of spineless suck-ups. I sighed heavily and blocked and deleted everyone I’d met through Ethan. Mom and I kept busy deep-cleaning the apartment, making holiday food, and shopping for decorations… I tried not to think about him. But we were neighbors. Running into each other was inevitable. One day, I went out to take out the trash just as Rachel stepped outside. She folded her arms and followed me downstairs. I rolled my eyes impatiently. “Hey, Chloe!” “How many times have you slept with Ethan?” She watched me with an amused expression. “None of your damn business.” I turned to leave, but she stepped in front of me, chin raised and face smug. “We got drunk yesterday. Things got pretty heated, but he still refused to touch me.” “Do you know what he said?” “He said he loves me, so he wants to save our first time for our wedding night.” She covered her mouth and giggled. “You know what else? He said you’re cheap and easy.” “What?” The question slipped out. Surely I’d misheard. “He said you’re cheap and easy!” Rachel repeated it loudly, planted her hands on her hips, and savored the changing expression on my face. I dug my nails into my palms, fighting the sting in my eyes. But the moment I turned away, tears soaked the front of my coat. Being degraded and trampled on by someone you loved hurt more than I could explain.